Something Old
by Xantern
Summary: Two years after the tragic and confusing events of the Christmas eve of his junior year, Roxas has moved out to Radiant Gardens to attend University. But despite all the distractions he has set up for himself, his past continues to haunt him. SEQUEL TO SOMETHING NEW
1. Living Fast

**You all asked for it, so here it is. In celebration of akuroku day, I give you the first chapter of the sequel to Something New, thoughtfully titled, Something Old.**

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You would think universities would put more effort into making quality bed frames. Never mind the rocking desk chairs that were so easy to fall out of, or the closets that never fully closed. That could be tolerated. But being in a dormitory full of hundreds of teens having just escaped parental supervision, these bed frames should really be replaced. Why not use wood frames? Everything else in the room was made of the same drab pine, so why use metal frames that squeaked and squealed with every motion? Having the knowledge that someone on your floor is getting lucky is hardly conducive to a healthy learning environment. Yet Roxas couldn't quite complain this time, since he was the one getting lucky. The idea that his neighboring floor mates were probably hearing every movement of it sat in the back of his mind, making him consider looking into off-campus housing for the next semester. But at least he was getting laid.

After Roxas finished, he got up from his bed and hit the play button on his stereo, the room suddenly filled with a wall of guitar noise. This strategy usually got Tidus out of his room after sex. Roxas wasn't one for cuddling. He grabbed a soda from the mini fridge and cracked it open while his usual hookup slipped his cloths back on. Roxas offered him a nod before he left. "Seeya around," he called as Tidus closed the door behind him.

Roxas chuckled to himself before taking a sip of soda. _God, I love college_ , he thought. He set the can down on his desk to make his bed back up, head bobbing absently to the beat of the music. Grabbing a can of air freshener off the shelf, he sprayed the room generously, replacing the scent of sex with—he looked down at the can—lavender.

He heard the door open behind him. "Forget your underwear again?" he asked without turning.

"Ah, so he _was_ over. No wonder it smells like dune grass on top of sweat." Roxas turned to see his roommate, Riku. He wore a smirk that said, 'I know your dirty little secrets.' Well, they weren't exactly secrets (thanks to those damn bed frames).

"It's supposed to be lavender," Roxas jested dryly.

"Of course," Riku returned the jest, equally dry. "Hey, so Seifer's frat is throwing a party tonight. Wanna go?" It was funny how even in college, they were still going to Seifer's parties. Of course they were on better terms with him since he had started dating Hayner. How could you hate your best friend's boyfriend? Especially when you saw how happy they were together. But the party still entailed the same thing: loud music, sticky floors, and a pack of douchebags trying to get lucky. In that sense, nothing had changed. But there was alcohol and it was a Saturday night, so why the hell not?

"Sounds good. Think what I'm wearing is fine?" There was always some stupid theme at these parties. Jungle, 80's, the infamous toga, or that one where everyone wore white and the frat guys broke out the glowsticks and black lights. Roxas shuddered. Black lights at a frat party. Gross.

"I think it's a 90's party." Riku said as he pulled his shirt over his head. "So I guess that means ripped jeans and flannel."

Roxas snorted, "I'm not wearing a flannel, it's like 70 degrees out and it's going to be _way_ hotter inside. You know how it goes." Roxas had no desire to get dressed up just so he could go sweat buckets and be miserable. "I'm going in what I'm wearing now," he said referring to his jeans and t-shirt.

Riku laughed, "I'd expect nothing less from you. But don't come whining to me when they don't let you in."

There was a knock at their door. "Come in," Roxas called, much to Riku's annoyance, since he was still finding a clean pair of pants to put on. Pence and Hayner walked in, both dressed in baggy, torn jeans and flannel. "Hey guys," Roxas greeted them.

"Hey, what's up Roxasss" Pence slurred throwing an arm around the blond, "You ready to get _destroyed_?!"

"Looks like you've started without us," Riku laughed. "Do you guys ever _not_ pre-game? It's not like they're gonna run out of alcohol at the party."

"Pence says he has to reach 'party mentality' before he can actually start partying," Hayner snorted, "The asshole downed the rest of my vodka." Ever since Hayner had started dating Seifer, he seemed so much more at ease. His behavior was less forced, like he wasn't trying to prove anything anymore. This made Roxas happy. For as long as he could remember, Hayner had been putting on the tough-guy façade, making everything a competition in attempt to keep his masculinity in check. Despite the amount of shit Seifer put them all through when they were younger, he was probably the best thing that had ever happened to Hayner.

Roxas lightly pushed his drunken friend off of him. "So are we all ready to go?" They all agreed and headed out the dorm.

Radiant University was a fairly small campus so everything was pretty much in walking distance. Of course trying to keep Pence from walking into the street slowed them down a little, so by the time it was dark they had reached the frat house. The party didn't 'officially' start until 10, but Seifer liked for Hayner to get their early so they could spend time together before his fratly duties (i.e. opening the door, restocking red solo cups, etc.) began.

Roxas didn't mind getting their early. You didn't have to shout to have conversations, the house was easy to navigate, and it was a tolerable temperature. Plus they had access to all of the good liquor, so there was no reason to resort to the cheap bears or the possibly roofie-infused jungle juice. Roxas eventually migrated to the kitchen with Riku and Pence. Riku poured them all shots of spiced rum, a sort of ceremony signaling the start of the evening. As the music started they clinked their shot glasses together and knocked back their drinks. Roxas' throat was ablaze as the liquid ran down his throat, leaving a trail of tingling warmth as it traveled down to his stomach where it sat gently burning like a pile of embers. He winced momentarily but then reveled in the slight buzz that began to play at his head.

Gradually more of their friends made their way to the party. The gang was joined in the kitchen by Olette, Sora, Kairi, and eventually Hayner. With each arrival came rowdy applause and another round of shots. Roxas had noticed that Riku wasn't the one pouring them anymore. He had probably left when Sora and Kairi showed up. The two started dating around their senior year of high school and Riku had been avoiding them ever since. It was around that time that Roxas and Riku had started hanging out a lot more. Once both their best friends were a little more 'occupied,' they found out they had a lot in common and quickly became close. It wasn't long until they were able to confide in each other about some of their more personal matters. Apparently Riku had been in love with Sora for quite a while. But when he finally professed his feelings to Sora, the brunette stopped talking to him altogether. And once Sora started dating Kairi, he had effectively kicked Riku out of their childhood friend group. Riku now avoided them at all cost.

In turn Roxas was able to tell Riku about Axel. _Well, not everything_. At the thought of Axel, Roxas poured himself another shot and knocked it back, sending himself further down the path of inebriation.

The party had reached its height. The music was louder, the house was packed to the gills, and it was noticeably hotter. Most people were stripping off their flannel shirts, throwing them to the booze covered floor from which they would not be recovered. Roxas laughed (probably way too loud and hard) as he watched this happen, showering himself with praise for just sticking with a t-shirt.

A couple more shots later and Roxas had lost track of his friends, as well as how many drinks he had consumed. He was in the living room, having somehow scored himself a spot on the couch. Tidus straddled his lap as the two sloppily made out. Roxas couldn't remember when this had started, but this thought drowned under the weight of the primal sensations occupying his mind and body.

Someone handed him a red solo cup, which he proceeded to drink without examining its contents. It was jungle juice, but the potential danger of that was lost on him. The time for staying safe and making rational decisions was long gone. Now Tidus was standing above him, yelling. Apparently Roxas had been calling him Axel. _Whatever_.

"Fuck you," Roxas muttered as he pushed his way past his hookup and headed to the dance floor. Roxas swayed amongst a wave of bodies to the pounding bass that pumped from the speakers mounted on the walls. He closed his eyes momentarily.

Roxas opened his eyes and he was walking on the sidewalk with Riku, Pence, and Hayner. "Wur'r we goin' again?" Roxas slurred, trying his best to pretend he didn't just come to.

"The diner." Riku said absently. Roxas' stomach rumbled and it occurred to him that this was the best idea ever.

Roxas blinked and opened his eyes to a stack of waffles. The harsh fluorescents of the 24/7 diner glared in his eyes, forcing them to retreat into the back of his head as he closed them again.

He opened them and they were all standing behind the dorm. Pence was puking his guts out as Hayner patted him on the back. The sight of the vomit was enough to make Roxas' stomach lurch as he bent over and jettisoned his waffles onto the brick wall of the dormitory. He squeezed his eyes shut as he heaved and when he opened them again it was morning.

He sat up in bed, the movement exacerbating his hangover. It was only 6 am. There was a sports drink on his desk, which he took generous sips of before going back to sleep. When he awoke again it was noon. "Fuck," Roxas muttered to himself. It was usually the first thing he said on a Sunday morning. Shucking off his clothes from the night before he pulled on a pair of sweatpants and threw a clean t-shirt on, not bothering to look in the mirror to see how mussed his hair was.

"Riku." No response, "Hey, Riku!" Nothing. Roxas picked one of his roommates discarded shoes off the floor and chucked it at the mop of silver hair that peaked out of the covers. "YO, RIKU. BREAKFAST."

"You bitch," Riku croaked from his bed without moving.

"Come on, you've got to help me figure out everything that happened last night," Roxas whined, knowing it would be like nails on a chalkboard for his hungover friend.

"Since when are you worried about remembering your drunken escapades?"

"I'm not. It's tradition, asshole. Get up." He threw another shoe. Riku jumped out of his bed and threw it right back, hitting Roxas on the arm. They both smiled. This was how they interacted. Calling each other names, the occasional rough housing—it's how they knew they were friends. Being supportive had its place, but they saved that for when one of them had a mental/emotional breakdown, which was around every other week.

The dining hall was packed, as it always was on a Sunday afternoon. Just about everyone was there for the same reason Roxas and Riku were: regroup and stuff their faces with breakfast food. Roxas looked down at a stack of waffles and felt a strong sense of déjà vu. "Why does this feel so familiar?" he wondered out loud.

"Because you ate the same thing about nine hours ago," Riku snickered before taking a generous sip of coffee. He grimaced, "Man, fuck dining hall coffee. I swear I'm getting more ground-up beans than actual coffee."

Roxas nodded absently, beginning to remember their trip to the diner. Suddenly he wasn't in the mood for waffles. He got up to discard his plate and get some cereal. On the way to the cereal bar he saw Tidus. Roxas offered a wave. Tidus kept walking. _Wonder what that's about_ , Roxas wondered.

"Let's get down to business. Tell me everything you remember," Roxas said before diving into his cereal.

"Let's see…" Riku trailed off, pushing scrambled eggs around on his plate, "You made out with Tidus, called me a 'little bitch,' yelled at the DJ because his music was 'too mainstream,' smashed a shot glass on the floor after your eighth shot, and got yourself kicked out when you tried to start a mosh pit on the dance floor. Not necessarily in that order."

Roxas sipped the colored milk out of his cereal bowl. "Is that all?"

"I don't know, I went in the back yard when the 'dream couple' came in."

"Right…" Roxas said, hoping to start a new conversation, "So how's the music library treating you? Any word on getting me a job?" Riku was pretty quick to find work at Radiant University's music library. Having prior experience, they took him in immediately.

"My boss said he'd think about it. I vouched for you, but you know how he is. Very wary of outsiders."

"Well just keep at it and tell me when I've got an interview." Aside from classes, Roxas had very little to do at college. None of the extra-curriculars appealed to him. Plus they didn't even have Struggle here. Working at the music library would be the perfect way to kill time, make money, and listen to music, all at once. Riku nodded and stood up. "Wait, where are you going?"

"It's a Sunday. I'm going to the library, where else?" Riku sighed, "Some of us have readings to do, Mr. Audio Tech major."

"Hey, I'm busy too you know!"

"Sure you are," Riku said sarcastically. "Speaking of which, how's your solo project going?" he asked to drive his point home. Roxas had enough time on his hands to start his own one-man band. After high school he had used his graduation money to buy the music program's bass, as well as a guitar, which he had been diligently teaching himself to play since. The group of assholes that shall not be named left a musical void in Roxas that could only be filled by writing and playing his own material.

"It's going great," Roxas said, affectionately flipping off his roommate. "See ya later."

Back in his room, Roxas laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling as his speakers filled the room with pummeling post-rock. Times like these reminded him of home. And he wasn't sure if that was a good thing. Despite his best efforts to restrain himself, he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

No new calls. No new texts. No messages. Roxas ground his teeth, pulling a flask from his desk drawer and taking a swig of vodka.

"You bastard."

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 **Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. If you followed Something New while I was writing it, you know I don't update frequently, but I'm going to do my best to power through this thing. Thanks for reading! Feedback would be greatly appreciated.** **  
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	2. Persistent Memories

**Hi everyone! Sorry to keep you waiting, but college life is not conducive to writing fanfic. This is the last time I take 17 credits, haha. Hope you're all well. Enjoy! (reminder: these horizontal lines signal the passing of time and/or a change in perspective).**

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 _Drink till you forget his face_. That's what Roxas told himself every time he had one of his episodes. He emptied the contents of the flask and hurled it across the room. It hit the dresser and made a loud, but brief, bang. He was drunk by now, but the image of Axel's face still burned in his mind.

Roxas increased the volume of his speakers. He wouldn't let anyone hear him cry.

Two years. It had been two years, and yet not a day went by without Roxas thinking about his first boyfriend. Everything about that relationship had been so different, so new—and Roxas had finally grown used to the idea. He'd finally let his guard down; opened himself up. He'd finally experienced love.

And then it all came crashing down, burying him in the rubble of what could have been.

He still remembered that night with perfect clarity: the numbing cold, the crippling doubt that Zexion had planted inside him, the elation of Axel professing his love for him—quickly stamped out when Cloud arrived. Roxas still couldn't remember the pain of being shot. Maybe he never felt it. Maybe he only had enough time to go into shock before he passed out. But worst of all, he remembered Axel calling—no, not calling—screaming his name, as if Roxas' name was being torn out of Axel's throat. That was the last thing he could remember from that night. By the time he'd regained consciousness, he lay in a hospital bed.

The moment he'd woken up, he could already feel the tears running down his face. He had so many questions, but no one was there to answer them. Anger, confusion, desperation, sorrow—it was all there. But all he could do was weep. When the morning had arrived, Aerith and Namine came to visit. They had no notion of what had happened and Roxas couldn't bring himself to explain.

When he asked about Cloud, they told him he was still in surgery. He would have his leg amputated.

When the time for confessions finally came, Roxas didn't hold back. And where he thought he would find support, he only found disappointment; an underlying resentment from his family and what his lies had done to them.

Going back to school had been hard. Roxas didn't talk to anyone, he quit the struggle team, and his grades dropped. Everything just seemed pointless. He crawled further into his shell than he'd ever been. People tried to help, but he didn't want it. He just wanted to be alone. Senior year hadn't been much better. He started smoking, cutting class or just skipping school all together.

It wasn't until he became friends with Riku that he was finally able to open up. Finally, Roxas could outpour everything on his mind, and with no fear of judgment. And Riku took it like a champ. He was always there for Roxas, consoling him, helping him deal. He even got Roxas to quit smoking. And when Riku first came to him about Sora, Roxas was ready to return the favor.

Now beyond plastered in his dorm room, Roxas was crying. He had made so much progress over the past two years, but Axel's memory lived on and tore at his heart with every remembrance. "Why can't I get over you?" Roxas whimpered to himself, "Why can't I move on?"

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Riku stepped out of the dormitory elevator. He could hear Roxas' music all the way down the hall. He knew Roxas had more sense than that, so he could only assume the worst. It had been a while since Roxas had had a breakdown. Riku had started to think they would happen less frequently as time went by.

He opened the door and was almost knocked back by the volume of Roxas' music. It was painfully loud. He rushed to the stereo and spun the volume knob counter-clockwise as fast as he could. When the music was down to a whisper, Riku realized why it had been turned up so loud. Roxas sat at the foot of his bed sobbing. Riku looked around for other clues. Roxas' flask was by his dresser. Riku picked it up, noting its lack of liquid by its weight. "Shit," Riku whispered to himself.

Riku sat down next to his roommate and put his arm around his shoulder, letting Roxas collapse into him. Riku rubbed his thumb in circles on his roommate's shoulder, an impulse that he'd developed in comforting Roxas for so long.

Riku shushed his friend softly. "It's all right, Roxas. Let it out."

Roxas shook in his arms. "I'm so fucking weak." There was frustration in his voice. "Two years of this and nothing's _fucking_ changed. Not a _damn_ thing. I try to move on, but I know that no one can replace him."

"Well, you've got Tidus, right?" Riku asked weakly, knowing it wasn't going to help.

Roxas laughed bitterly, "Fuck Tidus. He doesn't care about me and I don't care about him. That twink isn't half the man Axel was."

"Then why do you see him?"

"Because he's a warm body," Roxas muttered, "Because if I close my eyes, I can pretend he's Axel, and for a second—just a second—I'm not so alone."

Riku sighed. Sometimes it was hard for him to reassure Roxas, especially when he himself couldn't get over Sora. And it had been just as long for him. All Riku could do was offer advice that he himself couldn't even follow. "Roxas, I'm so sorry. I know he was your first love. I know what that's like. It's a powerful thing. But you have to accept the fact that he's long gone. He's a criminal on the run, and I'm sorry but you have to know you're never going to see him again."

Roxas shook in his arms with a heavy sob. Riku hated this. Why did he have to be the one to step on Roxas' heart? He wanted to tell him it was all okay, but he'd just be lying. And what kind of friend would that make him? By now the only way Riku could get him over Axel was to make Roxas forget. Forget and move on. That's what they both had to do.

"You have to move on," Riku said, echoing his thoughts. "You have to move on and find someone else that makes you happy. You'll never get anywhere with your mind in the past. It's not good for you, Roxas. I know it seems like he's the only one for you, but I know there's bound to be another guy out there that can make you happy. Hell, even happier."

Roxas quieted down to a sniffle. He sat up and hugged his best friend. "Thanks Riku," he whimpered, "Thanks for always being there for me."

"Of course," Riku whispered, still rubbing circles on Roxas' shoulder with his thumb.

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The downtown streets of Radiant Gardens were abandoned. Just about every other street lamp was burnt out or broken, allowing for the two men to move about relatively unseen if they were smart about it. Tonight's gig was a simple grab 'n go. The 24/7 convenience store across the street was generously illuminated by flickering fluorescents, revealing the interior of the store. There were no customers, just the clerk.

Zexion pulled his hood up and approached the store with Lexaeus trailing a few feet behind. It was an older store without bulletproof glass or a closed off counter.

Zexion walked in and up to the clerk. Disinterested, the Clerk was looking down at a magazine on the counter. "Pack of smokes, please," he said. The clerk mumbled something and turned around to reach for a box of cigarettes. "Now don't move." Zexion said calmly, "My friend here has an m9 and he won't hesitate to pull one off into your skull."

The clerk went rigid. "Turn off the lights," Zexion said. The clerk did as he was told. "Turn around."

Both Zexion and Lexaeus had slipped ski masks on. Lexaeus had his gun resting on the counter with his hand over it. "Empty the register into a bag so we can get this over with," Zexion said, maintaining a flat, but authoritative tone.

The clerk muttered a few curses but did as he was told, filling a plastic bag with bills. He placed the bag on the counter and Lexaeus took it. "Take my friend here to the security room and give him tonight's tape," Zexion said.

The clerk slowly walked from behind the counter to a back room. Lexaeus staid a few paces, his gun still drawn. He cocked it as a reminder.

Zexion tapped his fingers, waiting. If only every gig went this smooth, he thought. They'd had too many close calls recently. It was probably because they'd been in the area for so long. What had it been, two years? That was a record for them. Despite Radiant Gardens' pristine name and reputation, it still had a seedy enough downtown area to provide them with the kind of environment they thrived in.

Lexaeus and the clerk returned from the security room.

"Now when we leave, you're going to close shop and go home early tonight," said Zexion.

"Damn thugs," the clerk said through gritted teeth.

"Just be grateful we're the sensible kind," Zexion said, "In an area like this, you're asking for trouble."

Zexion and Lexaeus left the store and walked back to the spot where they had been staking the shop out. They watched it until the clerk, sure enough, walked out the store, locked up, and walked away.

He wouldn't call the police. Lexaeus was large enough to instill fear into anyone. Even if he did, the clerk had nothing on them. He hadn't seen their faces and the security footage would be destroyed within the hour.

"Let's go," Zexion said. As they walked back to their place, they kept close to the buildings, so even when they walked under a street lamp, they were less likely to be seen. By now these strategies were more like instincts.

They had played it too loose back in Twilight Town, and it almost got them caught. When they found a place in Radiant Gardens, Zexion made sure to crack down on the rest of the gang. They couldn't get too comfortable here. Comfort led to carelessness, and he couldn't have anyone being careless.

Now they lived a business-only life. If you could call their line of work business.

Everyone dabbled in their own activities. Zexion stuck to robberies because he was small and unsuspecting enough. And of course he always brought Lexaeus to make up for the brawn he lacked.

Lexaeus made use of that brawn not only in intimidation for robberies, but he also fought in the local underground fighting leagues. The gang would always bet as much as they had, and with little trepidation. Lexaeus never lost.

Marluxia was a male escort. He never went into much detail about what he did, but he made a lot of money doing it.

Even though Demyx couldn't bring his sitar with him when they moved to Radiant Gardens, he quickly made enough money to buy a guitar from the local pawn shop. He played on the streets all day for change, usually bringing back a couple hundred bucks each day. Zexion was glad he could put his talent to use. And of course, it made Demyx happy.

As for Axel—well, he was in between jobs at the moment.

When Axel awoke that night on the train, he was hysterical. He was so desperate to get back to Roxas that he attempted to jump out of the car. Even when Lexaeus had him restrained, Axel wouldn't calm down. He was inconsolable, and Zexion had to think on his feet. He knew what he had to do, and it still killed him to this day.

" _Axel, Roxas is dead."_

Zexion would never forgive himself for this. He tried to justify the lie to himself. It was for the good of the group, after all. They were only as strong as their weakest member. And for a while, he thought maybe Roxas had died. He had lost a lot of blood before they left, so it wasn't an impossibility. But when the incident made the paper, Zexion found out he was wrong. Of course they all kept it from Axel. In conjuring this lie, Zexion had pulled the rest of the group into it as well. He explained to them that Roxas would never give up on going back if he believed Roxas was still around. They never argued weather it had been the right thing to do at the time. It had already been done.

But replacing an eager fury in Axel came a long-lasting depression. He fell back into using again, which was counterproductive since his specialty was making street deals. They all tried to help him get clean, and after a while he would. And then his depression would return and he would relapse. And so it would go back and forth, over and over. Right now he was on an up-swing. His depression was in check and he wasn't using. But Zexion could sense Axel's inevitable spiral on the horizon.

 _This is what's best for us_ , Zexion thought. But sometimes he had trouble believing that.

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 **Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Let me know what you think. Are you happy to see the group is back? Did you suspect this was the kind of stuff that had them on the run? Tell me in a review!**


	3. Lurch

**Apologies for the unreasonably long wait. Inspiration for this fic doesn't come around often. For those who have stuck around, I can't thank you enough for your readership and loyalty to the series. This chapter is a little longer than the last two, so hopefully that makes up a bit for the wait. Enjoy.**

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 _Across an ethereal moonlit beach, Riku and Sora were walking. The waves stretched out for an eternity, and behind the shore was a cloak of impenetrable darkness. There was nothing ahead and nothing behind. There was no destination, but there didn't need to be. Not with Sora at Riku's side._

 _The crunch of their shoes in the gravelly sand was muffled. Everything was muffled, as if they were under water. Riku felt numb to everything around him. The only thing he could feel was the undeniable warmth that emanated from Sora. Riku wanted to hold him so bad and absorb that warmth._

" _This is going to be hard for you to hear, and I'm not all that sure how to go about it. It might even damage our friendship." This was Riku's voice, but he wasn't actively speaking. He had no control over what he was saying._

" _Don't say that, Riku. There's nothing in the world you could say that would change our friendship." This was Sora's voice, for sure. But he kept his eyes ahead and wouldn't meet Riku's gaze._

 _Another batch of words slipped from Riku's mouth. "You're wrong, Sora…I love you." It seemed these were more muffled than the last._

" _What? But you're a guy, Riku." Shock and disgust coated each word, breaking through the muffled layer of sound. Riku started to panic as thick beads of black sweat began to secrete from his face._

" _Sora, I'm gay. I like guys, and more specifically, I like—no, I love you. Don't you get it?" Riku was shouting, louder and louder with each word, but his voice was only muffled further._

 _Sora stopped in his tracks, and suddenly Riku was brought to his knees, as if the gravity around him had suddenly increased tenfold. He quivered and shook as he tried to bring his head up to see Sora, but he could only see up to the boy's neck._

" _Oh, I see. I—I should go." Sora turned and continued his walk down the shore._

 _Riku squirmed desperately, but the force keeping him to the ground was only increasing, as the sand below him began to melt into a pool of darkness, pulling him down and down, beneath the surface. He gasped for air and his throat began to fill with the obsidian paste that drowned him._

"SORA!" Riku jolted up in bed. His phone alarm wailed with an irritating fury. He quickly silenced it. He looked down at the time. He had 10 minutes until class started. "Fuck," he muttered as he jumped out of his bed and scrambled for a clean pair of clothes. Roxas was still sound asleep, apparently undisturbed by the blaring alarm.

Jogging across campus, Riku could still feel the residual sweat on his face from his nightmare. Like Roxas, Riku wasn't constantly thinking about his lost love. Rather, he would be fine for a week or so, and then relapse.

 _Lost love._

Riku laughed at himself. How could you lose something you never had? Roxas had a reason to be upset, but him? He was just rejected. He never had anything but a school-girl crush. He had a perfectly good friendship and he threw it away. Riku hated himself for this. "I'm to blame," he reminded himself as he approached his lecture hall.

Crashing down into his usual seat in the back, Riku had just barely made his bio lecture. The moment he sat down the professor's droning began.

Things would be so much easier if he and Sora weren't both attending Radiant University. Everyone always said that University was too big to see anyone you knew. And yet, it felt like Riku saw Sora at every turn. Well, not just Sora.

Wherever Sora went, Kairi was clinging to his arm like a loyal dog. As if she knew Riku was around and she was there to warn him off. Riku hated this. He knew he didn't hate _her_. He just hated that she was always around; a reminder of what Riku could have had, of what he failed to attain.

Of course, when he lost Sora, Riku lost Kairi as well. They were childhood friends, after all. Growing up on the Destiny Islands, with nothing but time on their hands—things were so simple back then. Sword fights, races, exploring—hell, they even built a raft once. They were going to see new worlds. Riku allowed himself to smile at this memory.

As students began to shuffle past Riku, he realized the lecture had ended. He looked down at the blank page in his notebook where his notes should have been. This wasn't the first time he had spent an entire lecture lost in his own thoughts. He'd become quite the space case.

Trudging out of the lecture hall, Riku took in the sights of RU's campus. It really was a sight to behold. The cobblestone walkways had a way of taking you back to times of simplicity and innocence. And the multi-colored flower beds that refused to wilt, even in the face of the cold November, were a testament to the school's name. Riku inhaled deeply, held it, and let his breath out in a slow exhale.

Riku sat with his feet up on a desk, staring absently and drumming his fingers against his legs. No one ever came here, except the band nerds when they needed sheet music. But that was it. No one came to check out CDs or records. Riku sighed. He had hoped working in the music library would be similar to his job back at the record store in Twilight Town. But this was nothing like that. It seemed like no one at RU cared about physical music the way he did. Except Roxas. That was one of the reasons they had become such good friends.

At the sound of silence, Riku got up to change the CD in the library player. At least it wasn't an _actual_ library. Getting payed to sit on his ass and listen to music really wasn't all that bad. But he wouldn't mind a break from the solitude every now and then.

Bobbing his head, Riku sat back down and returned to his music coma. He had another two hours before he had to close up. He leaned back in his chair, swung his feet up onto the desk, and placed an open book over his face. Maybe he'd be able to catch up on his sleep.

As if.

Right as Riku had gotten comfortable, he heard a knock on the open door. Quickly he sat upright, trying to look like he'd been working. But he wasn't fooling anyone.

The girl at the door cleared her throat, and by that alone Riku knew who it was.

"Hey Riku," Kairi said, "I just need to pick up a batch of flute parts for the new symphonic band piece." Her voice was weak, as if she was trying to force a hopeful enthusiasm she knew would be wasted on Riku.

Riku's face paled. He knew Kairi was in a few of RU's student bands, but he never thought he'd see her in here. "Hey, Kai," he said, just as weak, "Yeah, I'll go get that for you." He stood up and walked stiffly to the wall of file cabinets next to the CD shelves. As he rifled through the hundred or so manila envelopes, he prayed he would find the right one soon so he could get this over with. Being around Kairi was the last thing he needed, and he could tell she wasn't too comfortable around him either. Doubtless Sora had told her what had happened at the ice rink two years ago. She probably hated his guts as much as Sora did.

Finally finding the right envelope, he pulled the original copy of the flute piece and walked to the copier. "How many copies do you need?"

"Eleven," she said meekly. God, now Riku was seriously considering quitting this job. If this was going to become a regular thing, he really didn't need this additional stress in life. It felt like the copier was running at 10% speed as the scanner dragged beneath the sheet music. After three copies were made, the copier began an incessant beeping. Riku checked the screen. It was out of ink.

"Fuck me," Riku muttered.

"What was that?" Kairi asked.

"Um, nothing," Riku said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's just out of ink," he sighed. It was like fate wanted him to stretch this moment across an eternity.

Kairi shifted in place as Riku bent over to replace the ink. "So," she drew out the word, a nervous habit she had never grown out of, "How have you been lately?"

Riku was surprised she was asking. Of course it was obligatory. There was no way she actually wanted to know. But dropping contact with a childhood friend came with a decent load of guilt. She was only trying to lighten that load.

"Busy, but otherwise fine," Riku said. He knew it was a bullshit response. Everyone at RU could say the same 24/7. But that's all he was willing to give her. He really didn't want this moment to extend past his duty as a music librarian. As much as he wanted to leave it at that, he knew he couldn't be too rude, so he asked, "And you?"

"Pretty good. I've got a lot on my plate with band and my studies, but I can't complain."

Riku nodded. He finished the copies and handed them to her. She offered him a weak smile and Riku mirrored it back. She started towards the door, but stopped and turned her head. "He misses you, you know," she said. A layer of nostalgia and warm sadness coated her words. She left without expecting a response.

* * *

Roxas sat in his bed with his back propped up against the wall. Tidus drew tiny circles on Roxas' chest, humming softly. It wasn't like him to stick around so long after sex. Physically satisfied, Roxas could feel his patience chipping away. He cleared his throat. "Don't you have class soon?"

Tidus kept drawing circles. "Nope. Got cancelled." He resumed his humming. Some top 40 hit that was always on the radio. It was people like Tidus that kept that shit relevant. This melody that may have been catchy if Roxas hadn't been subjected to it on the daily, was grating on his nerves.

"Huh," Roxas started, "Well I'm sure you've got a lot of homework to do, so—"

"Nope, all done for now," Tidus said, before he resumed humming. Roxas took a deep breath, attempting to keep his cool. This was not what they had agreed upon when they started. This was supposed to be hook-ups only. No strings attached. So why wouldn't he leave? They were done here.

"Well, I've got a lot, so…"

"Hey, want to grab an early dinner? We can still beat the rush," Tidus said with an inflection at the end of his sentence. Roxas hated that about him. Tidus was one of those guys who perpetuated that overly flamboyant stereotype that made everyone think all gays were queens. He also hated when Tidus interrupted him.

"No, I don't think so," Roxas said flatly. He got out of bed, breaking the hundredth or so circle Tidus had traced on his chest. He picked up the remote off his desk and turned the stereo on, plunging the room into a sea of distorted guitar noise and pounding drums.

"Oh come on Roxas!" Tidus yelled over the music, "You do this _every_ time! Why can't we hang out? Go on a date?"

Roxas shouted back, "Because that's not with this is. That's not what this is supposed to be," he said as he bent over to pick up his jeans, "I think I made it perfectly clear when we first started doing this that this would purely physical," Roxas said. He pulled his head through his t-shirt and locked eyes with Tidus. "Don't tell me that's changed for you."

Tidus looked away, a slight blush giving away his embarrassment. "So what if it has?"

"Oh no," Roxas laughed bitterly, shaking his head, "No. Don't tell me you're starting to get feelings for me. I don't need this shit right now, Tidus!"

"How could I not?" Tidus yelled, his voice growingly desperate, "After all this time we've spent together, after how intimate we've been together, how could I not have feelings for you?!" He picked up a pillow off the bed and threw it at Roxas. "And how fucking dare you try to brush me off like some whore? You don't need this shit right now? How fucking selfish of you! I've been there for you all semester!"

Roxas turned off the music. This was getting out of hand. He'd never seen Tidus like this. "Look, just calm down," Roxas said calmly.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Tidus shouted, despite the music having been turned off. "What's holding you back? How can you say you don't feel anything for me?"

Roxas glared defiantly at him. He would not back down. He would not give in.

The look in Tidus eyes suddenly shifted, as if an epiphany had struck him. "Oh no, don't tell me you're still hung up on him. Don't tell me you're still thinking about Axel," he laughed bitterly.

"Don't say his name," Roxas muttered.

Tidus laughed again, "Are you kidding me? Roxas, it's been two years since you've seen that guy! You honestly think you're ever gonna see him again? And even if you did, do you honestly think he'd still care about you?"

Tidus had crossed a line. A line that _no one_ was supposed to cross. Something snapped in Roxas.

"SHUT UP!" Roxas screamed.

Tidus paled, having recognized the dangerous waters he had just entered. "Roxas, I—"

"JUST SHUT UP, TIDUS! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

Swiftly Tidus picked up his clothes and backpack, and made for the door. Roxas thought he saw a few tears in Tidus' eyes. The door slammed and Roxas slid against his dresser to the ground. He picked up the remote and turned his music back on.

Roxas cursed under his breath. He cursed Tidus. He cursed Axel. He cursed himself. It wasn't long before his hand was greeted by the familiar smoothness of his flask, and his mouth reunited with the acrid taste of vodka.

After emptying the flask in a matter of minutes, Roxas decided he'd gone through enough shit for one day to just sit around and be miserable. He deserved to have some fun.

He stood up, which was a bad idea in and of itself, as the full affects of the alcohol made themselves known. He wobbled a bit, but regained his balance. Grabbing his leather jacket from the back of his chair, Roxas was about to leave when he heard his phone buzz. He looked down at the backlit screen on his desk. It was a text from Tidus. "Fuck that," Roxas said to himself, "Time to go off the grid."

Although Roxas didn't have a destination in mind, it felt good to get off campus. He couldn't remember the last time he went downtown. A change of scenery was just what he needed. No douchy frats, no campus police, no nothing. He finally had a night of freedom.

Roxas walked the streets of downtown Radiant Gardens for a few hours, occasionally stopping into shops to use the bathroom or grab a bite to eat. Eventually he stopped in a café where a jazz band was playing. Something about being drunk and listening to the smooth, swinging rhythms of jazz just made sense. He ended up talking to the band after they finished and they hit it off. What could he say, alcohol made Roxas social.

"But I couldn't improv to save my life!" Roxas said to the band's bass player, "It's like a train wreck whenever I try to play something off that bat. That's honestly why I've never been able to play jazz."

"You've just got to know your blues scales, man," the bass player said, "After that, nothing can stop you from laying down a nice solo."

"That's easy for you to say," Roxas joked, "You've got jazz in your blood. It really shows in your playing."

The whole band laughed. "This cat's alright," the trumpet player said, "Hey kid, we're gonna go hit up a bar. Wanna join us?"

Roxas was really enjoying talking to fellow musicians again. It didn't take much thought before he agreed.

The bar they ended up at was fairly empty, save for a couple making out in a corner booth. Roxas and the band took their seats at the bar and were approached by the bartender. He eyed Roxas with skepticism. "Hey Mikey, don't worry, the kid's with me," said the bass player. The bartender nodded and started pouring drinks.

"Don't we need to order?" Roxas asked.

"He knows what we like," the bass player said, "We come here after every show."

The bartender came around and slid short glasses to each of the band members and Roxas. The blond sniffed it. It wasn't a scent he was familiar with. "What is it?" Roxas asked.

Everyone laughed. Their trumpet player leaned over to tell Roxas it was scotch. "I bet all you're used to is piss-water beer and vodka," he chuckled.

Roxas took a sip. It had a very spicy, robust flavor to it. A strong, comforting burn travelled down his throat and into his stomach. It was pretty good. He finished the glass and slammed it on the bar. "I'll take some more of that!"

The band cheered and patted him on the back. "What'd I tell ya? The kid is alright!"

Time seemed to stop as the drinks kept coming. He lost track when he and the band got in a debate with who the originator of Rock and Roll was. Before he knew it, it was 2 a.m. and the bartender had to kick them all out.

"Look, Roxas," said the bass player, "If you're ever downtown again, don't hesitate to come find us, "We play that café all the time."

Roxas shook hands with the band and said his goodbyes, and before he knew it, he was alone. But of greater concern, he was had no idea where he was.

Let's recap. He was lost, alone, and drunk in downtown Radiant Gardens at 2 am. "Fuck," Roxas muttered to himself. He'd probably panic if it wasn't for the scotch numbing his judgment.

Unsure of how he got to the bar, Roxas figured he might as well start walking until he found a cab. An hour went by and he'd had no luck. He hadn't even seen any familiar landmarks. He was officially lost.

A lightbulb went off in his head. He'd just call Riku. Riku would no what to do. He always did.

Roxas reached for his phone and brushed up against an empty right pocket where he normally kept his phone. A pang of dread washed over him as he suddenly remembered. "Oh right…off the grid." He sat down on the curb and put his head between his legs. "Fucking idiot," he muttered.

Suddenly he heard footsteps. The idea of someone else walking around downtown at 3 am filled him with dread. He wasn't exactly in the nicest part of town, after all.

Roxas feared the worst, but he was too drunk to get up. Maybe if he just stayed put and didn't look up, the person approaching would just pass him by. If we don't make eye contact, then he won't have any reason to mess with me, Roxas drunkenly reasoned.

The footsteps grew louder as the stranger approached. Each step was a threat, and the increasing volume only made those threats all the more severe. Roxas held his breath. His heart was pounding so fast he thought it would burst through his chest.

The footsteps stopped.

"Hey there, stranger," a deep, sultry voice said, "Looking for some company?"

The voice was familiar, and filled Roxas with a strange comfort. He dared to look up at the man now only a foot away from him. And when he met the man's eyes, he suddenly realized why that voice sounded so familiar.

The pink-haired man looked back at him, eyes wide with panic.

"M-Marluxia?" Roxas asked.

But before he could say anything else, the pink-haired man bolted. Roxas shot up from the curb. "Wait! Marluxia come back!" Now he was sprinting after him. His mind raced with incoherent thoughts, but one in particular stood out above the others. _Axel, Axel, Axel, AXEL!_

Roxas ran as fast as he could, but Marluxia was faster. He was putting more and more distance between the two, but Roxas pressed on. The pink in Marluxia's hair, which was the only way Roxas was able to keep track of the man, was getting smaller and smaller. Roxas could feel his body giving up under the combination of physical exhaustion and intoxication. But he had to press on. He had to catch him.

Suddenly the speck of pink in Roxas' vision rounded a corner. "Shit," Roxas muttered. He caught up to the street Marluxia had turned onto, and when he rounded it, he stopped in his tracks. He panted and heaved as his body fought between catching his breath and vomiting. He looked around desperately.

Marluxia was gone.

* * *

 **Now that the story is picking up pace, I have more of an idea of where I want to go with it, which will make writing easier. I can't promise anything, but I hope to get up another chapter sooner than four months (again, so sorry I made you guys wait that long). As always, your readership and feedback is greatly appreciated. PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. Tourniquet

**It's been a while. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Okay, who took my damn cigarettes? They were right here on the counter when I went to the bathroom." Axel glared accusingly at his roommates sitting at the kitchen table. Zexion had his face buried in a book, and Demyx had headphones on and was air-drumming with a pair of pens. Axel's brow narrowed and his scowl deepened. "Fine, you want to play it that way?"

Axel walked to the table and swiped away Zexion's book and yanked off Demyx's headphones. Both looked up abruptly. "Hey what was that for?" Demyx whined, "That was the best part of the song!" He gave a big pout and widened his eyes like a puppy, but Axel wasn't having any of that this time.

"Eye for an eye. You take something I love, I take something you love," Axel said.

"What do you mean?" Demyx asked.

Zexion sighed, "He wants his cigarettes back."

"Well why don't you give them to him? I really want to finish that song," Demyx whined.

"Because he needs to quit them," Zexion said matter-of-factly, "It's an unhealthy habit that's just going to take years off his life."

"In case you two forgot, I'm right here," Axel said, his voice coated in a thick layer of sarcasm. "And come off it Zex. It's not like I haven't had worse habits. This is how I cope, okay?"

"Replacing one bad habit with another is not coping," Zexion said flatly, "You still have an unhealthy problem."

Axel felt his temper flare up a degree. "I can't believe what I'm hearing," Axel shook his head, "Do you know how much of a hypocrite you are? You've got me pushing smack every night, and here you are all high and mighty, telling me that cigarettes are an 'unhealthy habit.' The shit you've got me selling people isn't sold in a convenience store, and it sure as hell has more consequences. I know that better than anybody."

Usually quick with a response, Zexion faltered. He stood up and retreated into one of the apartment's bedrooms. Demyx looked at Axel meekly, "He's only trying to look out for you."

"I know, Dem," Axel said, "I know."

Zexion emerged from the bedroom with a small white pack of cigarettes and tossed them underhand across the kitchen to Axel. He offered a semi-gracious nod and took a cigarette from the pack. He stuck it in his mouth and felt around his jean pockets for his lighter. "Okay who took my lighter?"

"Just give it to him, Demyx," Zexion said as he retrieved his book from the counter.

Demyx frowned. He dug the lighter out of his pocket and passed it to Axel as he went to retrieve his headphones. "Sorry, Axel." Axel nodded and lit up. He walked to the window above the sink and opened it so he wouldn't stink up the kitchen. He could still be courteous about it.

Axel took a long, deep drag and exhaled with a tired sigh of relief. He felt a thick layer of stress melt off his shoulders, his agitation fading away. "Sorry guys. I know you hate it. I know you're just doing what you think is best for me."

"In the end it's your decision," Zexion said. "Despite our efforts, we know we can't stop you. And as for our customers..."

Axel looked up, surprised Zexion was facing his challenge.

"Fuck them." Zexion stood from his chair once more, this time with an air of defiance. "They are _not_ part of this family, and I will step on as many heads as it takes to keep us safe. I don't care who I have to hurt. Family comes first."

Axel wasn't sure if he should have taken comfort in Zexion's loyalty, or been fearful of his cold, calculating worldview. Then again, these were things that Zexion developed early on when the five of them first went on the run together. His desire to survive was unrivaled by anyone else in the group, and it was what kept them alive.

Axel mustered a small chuckle, "You're right. You're always right."

The apartment door opened and Marluxia joined them in the kitchen. Axel looked up. Marluxia's face was missing its usual mask of arrogance and superiority. He was pale and seemed to be looking through everyone.

"You okay, Marly?" Axel asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Marluxia snapped his head toward Axel and paled more. "I-I'm fine. Just a little tired…and hungry."

Axel put his cigarette out in the ash try on the window sill. "Well, Demyx just went on a grocery run yesterday. Want me to make you something?"

"No!" Marluxia snapped. He looked up and noticed how everyone was looking at him. "I mean, don't worry about it. I'll get it myself."

"Okay," Axel said, still very weary. Something was definitely up with Marluxia, but he could tell asking questions wasn't going to get him anywhere. It was time to split and break some of this tension. "I've got to meet up with my supplier anyway, so I guess I'll be heading out." He went to the foyer and grabbed his leather jacket from the coatrack.

Zexion called after him, "You've got your knife, right?"

"Always," Axel called back before leaving the apartment. The moment he got out of the building he lit up another cig. He could only get away with smoking occasionally inside the apartment before someone had to lecture him.

There was a crispness in the air. That happy-medium between Summer and Fall had come and gone. It never did last long. It was mid-October and Axel could already feel the threat of Winter in the air. But it wasn't all bad.

Axel made his way out of the seedier downtown area into a nearby park. Despite the harsh reality of the impending cold, not one leaf showed signs of withering. This was his favorite part about Radiant Gardens. In the unforgiving face of the changing seasons, the plant life stood proud, its beauty unwavering.

"If only you were here to take it all in with me," he whispered to himself.

In the shade of a nearby tree, he saw his guy. Axel let out a short whistle. Without looking up the man stretched his arms and yawned. Axel sat down on a nearby bench. The man walked up and took a seat beside him. Axel slipped a wad of cash into the man's coat pocket.

"Feels heavy," the man said. The two stared straight ahead so it looked like they weren't in conversation.

"There's a little extra in there," Axel said nonchalantly, "You'd be surprised how much dough you can squeeze out of these guys. People just don't know what's worth what anymore."

The man chuckled. "You're one of the greats, Lee. Your payment is in the bag with this month's supply. I'm starting to wonder if I'm not giving you enough."

"Just doing what I know best," Axel said, "But I've never turned down a raise, so if the man up top gives the OK, I'd graciously accept."

"That'd be the day," the man sighed. "Times are tough, Lee. But you'll get what's coming to you soon enough. Everyone does."

After the man left, Axel remained seated for a few more minutes. He just couldn't get enough of the view. The trees blew carelessly in the wind, their vibrant green foliage boasting life and vitality. He let his eyes fall to the pastoral flower beds that lined the park pathway. Yellows, reds, pinks, purples—there was an undeniable happiness to this place.

It was nothing like Twilight Town, where the scenery was constantly reminiscent of fall. Axel closed his eyes and saw red, orange, and brown. The best thing about Twilight Town had been its sunsets, whose beauty was hidden in a pool of nostalgia.

A sad smile. That's what Axel likened Twilight Town to. A brief nod to happiness and beauty, but knowing that things would not be okay, that they could never be what you wanted them to be.

"We would have been so much happier here," Axel whispered to himself.

Axel walked to the tree the man had stood under. At the foot of it was a duffle bag. He picked it up and began to make his way home.

* * *

"FUCK!" Marluxia shouted. Immediately he cradled his head and began pacing around the apartment. "Fuck, fuck, FUCK!"

Demyx and Zexion were taken aback. "What?! Marluxia, what's wrong?!" Zexion demanded. Marluxia threw himself down on the living room couch, all the while cursing himself more and more. Something was seriously wrong. Marluxia was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

Zexion approached him slowly. He put a hand on the man's shoulder. "Marly," he started, "Calm down, I'm sure whatever it is, we can handle. I just need you to tell me what—"

"It's Roxas," Marluxia snapped, his voice textured with dread.

Zexion felt his heart skip a beat. He felt the presence of panic approach the outskirts of his mind, threatening to set in. He took a slow, deep breath and let it out. He felt himself shake as he exhaled. He looked over at the kitchen to see Demyx frozen at the table, his mouth hanging open in bewilderment.

Zexion sat down next to Marluxia. He tried to regain as much of his composure as he could before he spoke again. "What about Roxas?"

"He's here. Here in Radiant Gardens," said Marluxia. His voice began to pick up in pace as he grew more and more hysterical. "I thought he was a client last night. I-I didn't know it was him!"

Zexion grabbed hold of Marluxia, forcing the man to look him in the eyes. "Did he see you?" Marluxia was silent. "Did he see you?!" Zexion demanded.

"Yes," Marluxia said.

That one word, though hardly uttered louder than a whisper, fell from Marluxia's mouth with the severity of a hammer, pounding the last nail into a coffin.

This had the potential to not only uproot the group, but to destroy it as well. Their continued survival was built upon a lie. A lie that, at first, only had short-term consequences. Axel had been heartbroken at the news of Roxas' 'death,' but had healed and regained functionality over time. Now that lie threatened to unravel everything.

"This could break us," Zexion muttered to himself.

Demyx got out of his chair. "So now what?" His voice was laced in bitterness. He had been the most opposed to lying to Axel, so it was no surprise he'd be upset. "Pack up our things? Cover our tracks? Catch the next train out of here?!" He asked, his voice escalating to a shout. "We can't keep doing this! We can't keep moving at every sign of trouble!" His voice cracked, and he blushed at how emotional he was getting. He took a moment to breath and collect himself. "Every time we do this, it gets harder and harder. The more towns we move to, the more people see our faces, and the farther we have to go to make up for it." He wiped a tear from his eye and sniffed. "I'm so tired of running."

The room was filled with a painful silence. Demyx sat back in his chair, limp and emotionally exhausted. He stared at the ground listlessly. It pained Zexion to see him this way. Of all of them, Demyx was always the most filled with life and exuberance. He was the one that saw the best in people. The one that reminded them that the glass could be half full.

Zexion got up from the couch and pulled up a kitchen chair next to Demyx. He picked up the man's hands and squeezed them firmly between his own, prompting Demyx to grant him eye contact. "We're not running yet," Zexion said in a protective tone reserved for Demyx. "We don't know nearly enough to make any hasty decisions. Why don't you go lie down, Dem?"

Demyx sniffled again. He nodded a silent 'thanks' to Zexion and went into the other room to rest.

Zexion returned to the couch where Marluxia sat. "Now," he started, "Tell me everything."

* * *

" _He misses you, you know?"_

These words had been playing over and over in Riku's head for the past 24 hours. Roxas hadn't come home last night, but Riku couldn't expend much concern for his roommate. He'd probably spent the night with Tidus.

Riku sat in class, sketching palm trees in the margins of his notebook. He always found himself doing this when he was thinking of Sora. Back when the three of them still lived on the islands. Back when everything was so simple. No romance or drama, just simple, sunny days spent collecting sea shells, building forts and sword-fighting. Not a day went by where Riku didn't long for those times to return.

But Kairi's words were the first glimmer of hope he'd had since that day at the ice rink. Riku had been certain he'd ruined everything that day. The way Sora looked at him after they kissed. It was still carved vividly into his mind. But now—could there be hope after all?

Even if there was, what would Riku do with that hope? It wasn't like he could just walk up to Sora and say, 'Hey, I heard you miss me. Let's be friends again!' It just didn't work that way.

Riku walked across campus towards the music building. When he got to the music library, the door was locked. He scratched his head. His shift was supposed to start in five minutes. Why would they be closed?

"Oh, Riku. Why are you here?"

Riku turned to see his boss, coat on and briefcase in hand. "My shift starts in five," Riku started, "Why's the library closed?"

"Oh, you didn't get my email? The music library closed early tonight since tomorrow's a holiday. Classes are cancelled too if you weren't aware. Sorry you came all the way here."

Riku nodded, "That's fine. Have a good holiday sir." His boss nodded and left. Riku stood in place. He had hoped doing a bit of work would take his mind off Sora, but now Kairi's words began to float back into his head, playing over and over like a broken record.

He was about to put in a pair of earbuds to drown out his thoughts, but stopped when he heard someone call his name.

"Riku!"

He looked up to see Pence waving from down the hall. The sight of a familiar face that didn't belong to his childhood friends made him smile. "Hey!" Riku waved back.

"What are you up to right now?" Pence asked. There was a thin layer of mischievous anticipation in his voice.

"Well I thought I had to work, but we're apparently closed for the rest of tonight and tomorrow. Some kind of holiday I guess."

"Soooo, what you're saying is you're not busy, _right_?" Pence asked.

"Um, yeah I guess," Riku said. He wondered where Pence was going with this.

"Great! I just got a new bong and I'm taking it to the frat house to break it in with Hayner and Seifer." He nudged Riku with his elbow and grinned slyly, happy to be the voice of temptation. "Wanna come?"

Riku had always assumed Pence was a stoner, but this was the first he had ever brought it up. When you looked at him, with his baggy clothes and unkempt hair, it made a lot of sense. He probably had the munchies to thank for his gut as well.

Riku laughed. It had been a while since he last smoked, but with no class and no work, now seemed like a better time than ever. He shrugged. "Sure, sounds good."

"Awesome!" Pence said.

Walking to the frat house, Riku listened as Pence went into great detail about all of the different features of his new bong. His attention faded in and out, so he only heard bits of the conversation, like "Dual chamber…glass on glass…oh and you'd better believe we're throwing some ice cubes in it!"

Riku nodded and smiled. He thought back to the first time he'd smoked.

 _It was blistering summer day in Twilight Town. The heat bounced off the cobblestone roads and burdened those who traversed it. Riku and Sora had taken the train to the beach to escape the heat. They were drawing in the sand with sticks, just as they'd drawn on the walls of their secret hideout in the Destiny Islands._

 _Seifer's friend Rai stopped by. He was by himself for a change and didn't seem as confrontational as usual. He reached into his track pants to reveal a dimebag of skunk weed and a dirty bowl he'd found in the sand._

" _What's that?" Sora asked._

 _Rai laughed, "It's grass, ya know?"_

 _Sora backed up a little, nervous at the mention of drugs. He'd always been such a goody-two-shoes. It was why Riku felt so drawn to him. The way he saw it, it was his job to protect Sora from all the evils in the world. To make sure he never lost that glowing smile. Admittedly Riku had never smoked before, but he was able to keep his cool. Even when he was nervous or upset he could keep it together for Sora._

 _Rai took the first hit and passed it to Riku, who followed suit. The moment the smoke hit his lungs he started coughing, but he eventually got it together and passed the pipe to Sora, who eyed it nervously. "It's fine," Riku promised. Sora nodded, took a hit, and went into his own coughing fit before passing the pipe back to Rai. As it went around, coughing was replaced by laughter._

 _As the sun started to set, Rai took the train back to the residential district, but Riku and Sora staid, sitting on the shore, the waves gently lapping at their feet. They watched the red-orange sun kiss the ocean horizon. Riku felt the weight of Sora's head fall to his shoulder. The weed had probably made him sleepy._

" _Riku?" Sora mumbled, half-awake._

" _Yeah?"_

" _Promise we'll stay like this forever."_

"Hello? Ground control to Riku, do you copy?"

Riku came to a start with Hayner snapping his fingers in his face. "Huh?" was the only thing that came out of Riku's mouth. He'd gotten so caught up in his memories, he hadn't realized they'd reached the frat house.

"Geez, forever the space case," Hayner sighed, "I was asking you whether you wanted sativa or indica."

Riku shrugged, not even sure what the difference was. "Dealer's choice."

"Both it is!" Pence shouted gleefully. He started to pull his bong from his backpack but Hayner stopped him.

"Whoa whoa whoa, not in here Pence, we're smoking in Seifer's room. Can't wait five minutes, can you?" He shook his head and chuckled.

They went upstairs and went into the room at the end of the hall. Seifer was lying on his bed with his head in a textbook. "Well it's about time you guys got here. I can only stomach being a good student for so long," Seifer said jokingly. He still wore his signature beanie, but also a smile that Riku wasn't used to. They'd always been at ends with him and his crew back in Twilight Town, but now that he was dating Hayner, they got to see Seifer's good side.

Like clockwork, everyone started doing their part in preparing for the session. Riku felt like he was witnessing some sort of ritual. Pence was grinding up the pot, while Hayner was picking out some music and Seifer was putting a towel under the door and lighting a candle.

When the bong was passed to Riku he inhaled deeply. The guys started to cheer, which, if anything, should have been an indicator that Riku was taking way too big a hit. His lungs filled with smoke and he felt a pang in his throat that meant it was long time to exhale. He blew it out fast and immediately started coughing.

"Daaaamn," Pence said, "Talk about a dragon hit!" He laughed stupidly and patted Riku on the back who continued to cough and tear up. He could already feel the high setting in. There was a warm fuzziness collecting in his head way too fast. His tolerance was probably way down, and that was likely the biggest hit he'd ever taken.

Riku fumbled the bong into Pence's eager hands and continued to cough in raspy fits. His face broke out in sweat as the high set in even more, a heavy weight spreading throughout his body.

"Yo," Seifer said.

With much effort, Riku brought his head up towards Seifer, who tossed him a bottle of water. His reaction time was too slow and it landed in his lap. Riku struggled to unscrew the cap and took generous gulps of water, alleviating the dry-mouth and the pain in his throat. He felt a nudge and looked at Hayner, who was already passing the bong back to him.

"Oh boy," Riku said slowly, still trying to compose himself, "I think I'm good guys."

"Aw come on, Riku!" Pence whined, "We just started! I can still see some green in there, that's all you buddy!"

Riku opted to compromise. "I'll get it the next rotation. I just need a minute." He took the bong and passed it to Pence, who took another generous hit, holding in the smoke and expelling an impressive cloud. The room was getting hazy.

"So Riku, you been seeing anyone since we got to RU?" Seifer asked.

Riku coughed and choked on his last sip of water. Pence started patting his back again. Riku cleared his throat, "N-no, what makes you bring that up?"

"I don't know," Seifer said, "I never saw you with anyone in high school, but I figured you just didn't like anyone there. Now that our class size is like 20 times larger, I thought you might have found someone."

"Guess I just haven't found the right one yet," Riku laughed weakly.

"Too bad Sora scooped up your friend Kairi," said Hayner, "I always thought you two would make a good couple."

Riku's face reddened. Not at the idea of being with Kairi, although that wasn't a pleasant image either. The mere mention of Sora and his picture-perfect, heteronormative relationship made him remember why he'd agreed to join Pence in the first place. To forget.

"Not my type," Riku said curtly, "Pass the bong?"

"Alright, now we're talking!" Pence laughed, "Let's load up another one! This time Riku can have greens."

Hayner passed the bong, bowl freshly packed, to Riku. He put his face down to the piece and watched as bright, orange embers overtook the unsuspecting green. He took a slower, more cautious hit and exhaled. It was getting smoother, and the high was getting stronger.

The rotation continued on for another hour. Riku was sucking in his fifth hit when he felt his phone vibrate against his leg in his jean pocket. It didn't matter who it was. He was way too baked to answer.

Pence carefully put the bong on a shelf where it was safe from getting knocked over. Everyone sat in a daze, reveling in their euphoria. Seifer turned off the music and put some cartoons on.

"Hey Seifer, you guys got any snacks in the house?" Pence asked.

Seifer sat on his bed, back against the wall with his arm around Hayner. "Yup," he said without looking away from the TV.

"Can I have some?" Pence asked.

"Nope."

"Why not? I'm starving here!"

"Because there won't be any left," Seifer said matter-of-factly.

Pence groaned and whined, but stopped when he realized it wouldn't get him anywhere. They watched a few more episodes before Seifer grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. "Alright guys," he started, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here." He pushed Hayner onto his back to spell out his intentions.

Riku and Pence took the hint immediately and headed back to the dorms. They were both still pretty high and decided to hit up the pizza place not far from campus. Riku went to grab a booth while Pence ordered the pizza.

Pence returned with a large pepperoni pizza and wasted no time digging in. With the noises he was making, you'd think it was the best meal of his life. Riku helped himself to a slice and echoed the same noises. He'd forgotten how much better food tasted high.

The pizza was gone in under 20 minutes. The two sunk into the booth, letting out satisfied sighs. "That was too good," Pence said, patting his stomach. "Hayner and Seifer totally missed out."

Riku nodded. The mention of the couple made him think. When Hayner came out and started dating Seifer, Pence seemed completely unfazed. They were best friends when Riku had moved to Twilight Town, and had probably been that way many years prior. How long had Hayner kept this from him? And how had it not affected their friendship in the slightest?

Bar the train station, Twilight Town was relatively cut-off from the rest of the world, so the citizens were not exposed to change all that often. Nor did they have to adapt to much. That being said, homophobia was not uncommon.

Normally Riku wouldn't want to ask Pence something that personal. They were only casual friends, after all. Luckily the pot had left Riku's inhibitions lowered and Pence's aura more approachable. "Can I ask you something…personal?"

"Hmm?" Pence knew what Riku said, but did that thing where you involuntarily responded with confusion before answering. "Yeah, shoot," he said nonchalantly.

"W-what was it like for you when you found out Hayner was…you know, gay?" Riku asked, unsure of how to approach the topic tactfully. The weed may have made it easier breach the subject, but putting his jumbled thoughts into words proved difficult still.

"What do you mean?" Pence asked.

Riku opened his mouth but stopped to think before he spoke. "How did you react when he came out to you? Did you…think differently of him?"

Pence laughed, "What? Of course not. He's my best friend. I don't care what he's into. As long as he's happy."

He made it sound so simple. Of course it was. Hayner never came on to Pence. Hayner never stared longingly at Pence in class. Hayner never kissed Pence and professed his love for him in a crowded ice rink.

Their situations were totally different.

Riku felt his phone vibrate for what must have been the hundreth time since they were at the frat house. Though still too baked to answer, Riku slipped his smartphone out just to see who was calling. The screen showed four missed calls, two voice messages, and five texts. All from Roxas.

"Fuck," Riku muttered.

He started with the texts.

 _Hey_

 _Please pick up_

 _I need you right now_

 _I'm freaking out!_

 _RIKU!_

"Oh no," Riku said.

"What's wrong?" Pence asked.

Riku got up from the booth. "I'll be right back."

He stood outside the pizza parlor with his phone to his ear, listening to the first voice message.

 _Riku, I need you to come back to the dorm. I saw something last night and I think I'm going crazy._

Riku gulped and played the second message. This time Roxas' voice was more slurred, his sentences broken up by sobs.

 _Please, at least call me back. I don't know what to do. My whole world is falling apart all over again and I…I really need a friend right now. Please._

The voice messages filled Riku with dread and sobered him considerably. He walked briskly back into the restaurant and grabbed his backpack from the booth. Pence looked up, puzzled. "What's up?"

"Can't explain now," Riku said hurriedly, "I have to go."

Jogging back to the dormitories, Riku expected the worst.

* * *

 **Apologies for the absurd wait. Inspiration comes and goes with this story, and at this point I'm writing it for me. Thanks to everyone who is still reading.**


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